I'm Really Very Fond...

Here’s part of a poem from Alice Walker, which, if nothing else, should be a good reminder about the dangers of dating, or, more precisely, breaking up with, poets.

I'm Really Very Fond

I'm really very fond of you,
he said.

I don't like fond.
It sounds like something
you would tell a dog.
Give me love
or nothing.

Throw your fond in a pond,
I said...
I love that line, “Throw your fond in a pond!” Now that’s poetry!

“Tolerant” is a word like “fond”. They’re lukewarm words, and anyone who’s read Revelations 3 knows that things didn’t turn out so well for the lukewarm church in Laodicea.

“Tolerant” is one of those words that make gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender members of the church a little squirmy. We say that we’re looking for acceptance not tolerance. Tolerance makes us feel as if we were some rash on the ecclesial body which the church is pondering whether to treat or simply endure. But lately I’ve been reconsidering …

To me, the newest generation of church leadership – those born after 1980, say – have redeemed the word “tolerant.” It’s a generation that’s comfortable with difference – that grew up with diversity, not as an ideal, but as a way of life. It’s a generation that has by dint of circumstance, come to understand the world as a complex place, and where disagreement doesn’t equal separation.

Several recent studies, for instance, show that even among Christians who identify as evangelical, there has been a significant shift toward greater support among those under 30 for marriage equality and for expansion of employment nondiscrimination and hate crimes protections to cover sexual orientation and gender identity. I think what’s going on here is more about a change of values than a change of beliefs. It’s not so much that beliefs about “homosexuality” have changed for these younger evangelicals, as it is that they value a healthy respect for difference. What’s more, they are more interested in the kind of advocacy that can unite people –tackling the environmental crisis, facing racism, ending poverty; in a certain sense, the next generation of Evangelical Christians is less interested in ideological positions, and more interested in practical transformation.

I could live with that kind of tolerance. I can imagine a healthy church that isn’t susceptible to constant fracture along ideological fault lines. I can imagine a church that gives fair consideration to all who are called to serve as officers regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity, and still allows for the full range of ideological perspectives. I can imagine a church that has moved on from the debate about the place of glbt persons in its life and ministry – a debate that keeps our attention focused inward; I can imagine a church where people who hold vastly divergent theological views come together to get stuff done; I can imagine a church that can not only come together to talk deeply and wisely about racism, poverty and the environment, but that can also head out the door and make a constructive difference.

In our red-state/blue-state nation where it’s nearly impossible for a member of one party to cross-over and vote with the other party, and legislation with bi-partisan sponsorship is almost unheard of, maybe the example of a thriving, vital, creative, engaged Church made up of members from disparate, even opposing theological points of view could point the way to a new way of confronting big and serious issues that affect all of us.

“Forbearance” might be the dressed up theological word for tolerance. Even so, right now, I’m rather fond of “tolerance”.

* * * *

Lisa Larges is the coordinator for That All May Freely Serve, a grassroots organization advocating on behalf of all who are disenfranchised in the Presbyterian Church, especially lgbt members. She's a 1989 grad of San Francisco Theological Seminary, a member of Noe Valley Ministry, a Presbyterian More Light Congregation in San Francisco, and likes cheese!